Once again...

Once again I am sitting here, thinking too much out of sheer boredom, and I can't help but ask myself: Why? Why am I so unsatisfied with my life? What did I expect things to turn out like? I mean, I've never been one to put much faith in making plans for the future because something always comes up to ruin everything. So why am I so surprised that I am still single, unmarried, childless, without a degree, working in a job with no real advancement opportunities, living at home with my parents...the list goes on and on. I think part of it is the fact that I'm just not happy with myself. I hate the way I look. I know I'm fat. I'm working on it. But it takes time, and I am not a patient person. Part of it is the fact that I feel like I wasted six years of my life, and for what? All I have to show for it is a heart that she turned to stone, a completely cynical outlook on love, and scars on my heart, body and soul. So what now? I don't want to fall in love again. I don't want to go back to school because it would be pointless. I don't want to find another job because I enjoy what I do and I love my coworkers. I don't want to move out of my parents' house because I hate the thought of living alone, and Mom needs me. So why? What is wrong with me? Why can I not be happy with the choices I am making? Am I just programmed to be miserable for the rest of my existence? If that's the case, then I want out. Now. Because this pain is becoming almost unbearable, even for me, and that's saying something.