I give up. All you motherfuckers who have tried so hard to break me all these years, congratulations. I have nothing left to give. The only reason I won't simply end things is because that's not fair to my puppy. She needs her mommy. She is the only thing I have to live for. Once she's gone...I'm gone too. Fuck this shit.

Just how stupid do you think I am?

I'm starting to seriously question the past five and a half years of my life. I wanted to believe that I was special...that I was important, and the past week has proven to me that I am, in fact, not. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but instead I find that it's more "out of sight, out of mind" unless it's convenient to have someone to get sympathy from. Who cares how I feel, what I want? No one, basically. And it hurts. I can't be bought. I can't be shoved aside until you feel like you need a shoulder to cry on. If I am nothing more than a way to "escape" from living with your parents (which was in fact the way you described it when you first moved here....90% to get away from mom and dad, 10% because you wanted to be closer to me...your exact words), then I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I'm not even convinced that you really miss me...I think you miss NOT being around your mother, and coming back to me gets you away from her again. To be honest, I feel like a bit of a fool. I fell for everything...every I love you, every I need you, every I miss you...but when it comes right down to it, I can't help but wonder, was it all a lie? Am I truly as stupid as you seem to think that I am? I don't know. What I do know is this past week has proven to me that yes, I may be sad without you, but deep down, I'm okay. That's not the lesson you wanted me to learn, I'm sure, but that's what I'm taking away from this. When (not if, because I don't believe anymore that this can last...) you leave me for good, I will be okay. I'll cry and my heart will break, but my world and my life will go on. Maybe I should just make the first move myself...but I'm just stupid enough to give you one more chance.