"They tied a knot on my life, it gets tighter when I try to hide..." Sonata Arctica, They Follow
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Exhausted
The past few days have easily been some of the most exhausting of my life. I wish that I had been able to find the time (read as: time without someone reading over my shoulder) to update this blog in the midst of everything, but alas, I will have to do the best I can to "capture" the mood in retrospect now.
My ex came down to visit (mostly to see my mom, mom's idea, etc) last Sunday and just left yesterday. I was so worried it was going to be horribly awkward, but for the most part, it was alright. Of course, I took 3 days off work to make sure that my fiancee and my ex were never left alone together without me, so that probably helped curb some of the awkward. It was really nice to spend some time alone with my fiancee since my ex took my mom to Syracuse to see my sister. Mel and I never, ever get any time alone together, so it felt good to have just the two of us at home. We mostly just RP'd and played WoW, but it was without interruptions for the first time in...well, basically forever.
In other news, my mom is still a complete basketcase over the dog's death. She woke my father up wailing and sobbing last night shortly after Mel and I went to sleep. I refused to get back up because there isn't anything I can do, I was home with her all day long and she didn't say more than 10 words to me, so I don't feel like she wants me to try and comfort her. She wanted Krista to come down and take care of her. She rejected me. My fiancee. My father. My brother. Everyone. It was all Krista Krista Krista the entire time my ex was here, and now that she's gone no one knows what to do. I know it's going to take time for her to come to terms with the dog being gone. I know her heart is broken. I know she's in pain. I don't know, however, how long the rest of us can deal with the way she's acting. It's like living with a zombie, and there's nothing we can say or do to get through to her at all.
I also haven't been sleeping very well at all. A lot on my mind these days. All of which I will try to get onto the screen and into this blog eventually, but for now, it's back to work. Hooray.
My ex came down to visit (mostly to see my mom, mom's idea, etc) last Sunday and just left yesterday. I was so worried it was going to be horribly awkward, but for the most part, it was alright. Of course, I took 3 days off work to make sure that my fiancee and my ex were never left alone together without me, so that probably helped curb some of the awkward. It was really nice to spend some time alone with my fiancee since my ex took my mom to Syracuse to see my sister. Mel and I never, ever get any time alone together, so it felt good to have just the two of us at home. We mostly just RP'd and played WoW, but it was without interruptions for the first time in...well, basically forever.
In other news, my mom is still a complete basketcase over the dog's death. She woke my father up wailing and sobbing last night shortly after Mel and I went to sleep. I refused to get back up because there isn't anything I can do, I was home with her all day long and she didn't say more than 10 words to me, so I don't feel like she wants me to try and comfort her. She wanted Krista to come down and take care of her. She rejected me. My fiancee. My father. My brother. Everyone. It was all Krista Krista Krista the entire time my ex was here, and now that she's gone no one knows what to do. I know it's going to take time for her to come to terms with the dog being gone. I know her heart is broken. I know she's in pain. I don't know, however, how long the rest of us can deal with the way she's acting. It's like living with a zombie, and there's nothing we can say or do to get through to her at all.
I also haven't been sleeping very well at all. A lot on my mind these days. All of which I will try to get onto the screen and into this blog eventually, but for now, it's back to work. Hooray.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Can I get a do over, please?
So...2013.
2013.
Now, you see, 13 is normally not an unlucky number for me. However, the way this year started out I'm not so sure that theory is going to hold up anymore.
Spent New Years Eve listening to my mother cry because our family dog, Sadie, couldn't move at all. Spent the next week listening to Sadie howl in pain, mom sob her heart out, and then on Friday, January 4th, we had Sadie put to sleep. RIP, my pupperface. I love you so much and I miss you more than I can even say. I know you're not suffering anymore, and you can run and play with Earl and Esther and Zeb to your heart's content. I know you'll be waiting for mom at Rainbow Bridge and you two can be reunited.
Mom is a mess. She can't stop crying, blames herself, wishes she was dead. My ex girlfriend, Krista, is down visiting for a week to comiserate with mom since she just lost her girlfriend to a stroke in June. It's...awkward at best having Krista and Mel in the house together, especially since Mel is off all week after today and I work all week. I dunno...I mean, it's nice to see her again and all, but it's weird. They seem to be getting along ok, which is a plus, but still...
...and of course, mom is treating me like Cinderella. She sits and talks to Krista about her feelings, etc, but she does nothing but go silent or bark at me to do this that and the other thing. I feel like she's almost partially blaming me for Sadie's passing, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It hurts, because I loved that dog just as much as she did, even if she doesn't care to admit it.
Work is busy. I took tomorrow off to destress because I need to. Badly. Let's hope it works.
More later.
2013.
Now, you see, 13 is normally not an unlucky number for me. However, the way this year started out I'm not so sure that theory is going to hold up anymore.
Spent New Years Eve listening to my mother cry because our family dog, Sadie, couldn't move at all. Spent the next week listening to Sadie howl in pain, mom sob her heart out, and then on Friday, January 4th, we had Sadie put to sleep. RIP, my pupperface. I love you so much and I miss you more than I can even say. I know you're not suffering anymore, and you can run and play with Earl and Esther and Zeb to your heart's content. I know you'll be waiting for mom at Rainbow Bridge and you two can be reunited.
Mom is a mess. She can't stop crying, blames herself, wishes she was dead. My ex girlfriend, Krista, is down visiting for a week to comiserate with mom since she just lost her girlfriend to a stroke in June. It's...awkward at best having Krista and Mel in the house together, especially since Mel is off all week after today and I work all week. I dunno...I mean, it's nice to see her again and all, but it's weird. They seem to be getting along ok, which is a plus, but still...
...and of course, mom is treating me like Cinderella. She sits and talks to Krista about her feelings, etc, but she does nothing but go silent or bark at me to do this that and the other thing. I feel like she's almost partially blaming me for Sadie's passing, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It hurts, because I loved that dog just as much as she did, even if she doesn't care to admit it.
Work is busy. I took tomorrow off to destress because I need to. Badly. Let's hope it works.
More later.
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