Happy Birthday, my sweet angel...

Nine years ago, I should have given birth to an angel. I should have been able to hold her in my arms, count her little fingers and toes, look into her little face and welcome my daughter into this world. Today, I should be celebrating her ninth birthday, having a part either after she gets out of school or over the weekend. She should be inviting her friends over for cake and ice cream and games and, because she is my daughter, karaoke and a headbanging metal fest. Instead, I am struggling with every ounce of strength I have to hold back the tears, to stop myself from dropping to the ground and sobbing my heart out because I miss her so much. I never got to hold her, never got to look into her eyes, never got to hear her laugh or cry or tell me that she loves me. I never go to tell her how much I love her or watch her take her first steps or say her first word. All of those things were stolen away from me and my angel...and yet even though she was never truly with me, she is always a part of me.

Mommy loves you, Trinity Rose, and I will never, ever forget you. I will always love you with all of my heart and soul, and no matter what, you will always be my firstborn, even if you never had a chance to truly be born. I still think about you everyday and imagine what we would be doing if you had survived. I'd like to think that we would be best friends and do everything together, because let's face it kiddo, it would have been you and me against the world. I know you're out there somewhere watching over me and trying to make sure that Mommy is happy...I feel you with me every time my heart aches, every time I laugh or smile, with every tear I cry...I know that you're here. I love you. I miss you. We'll meet again one day, my sweet angel... Happy Birthday.