I'm just sitting here at my desk at work, and all I want to do is cry. I don't even know what happened. It's so random. I sat down and I was fine, working along, talking to Evan because I haven't seen the boy in a week, and now I just...want to sit here, curl up in a ball under the desk and sob my heart out. This is not really unusual for me, but...I hate it when it happens. And I mean, I know I have a lot on my mind. I know that a lot is going on in my life and in my head right now, but I really should be able to control it better, or at the very least, hide it. The walls are starting to crumble and I'm terrified. I'm terrified of what they are all going to see, what they are all going to say. I don't know how to build them back up because I don't know what's tearing them down. I hate feeling helpless and defenseless like this. I hate being vulnerable.
...all I want is for someone to hold me and tell me that someday, somehow, everything will be okay...but I am alone...
*cuddles* I really wish I had been born on the same continent...that way I could just hop on a train, no matter how much it cost, and could head straight to you...give you that hug you so desperately need...I don't think January 2011 will come soon enough. Let me know if there is any way at all that I can help
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