I really, truly do not understand myself sometimes. I should be feeling the greatest sense of relief right now, and instead I feel...well, honestly, almost disappointed. Empty may be a better way to put it. I mean...I know that it would have been a disaster. I wouldn't have been able to keep it...there is no way that would have been possible. And yet at the same time...I still feel like I lost something, even though there was (probably) nothing there to lose. It just makes me think that maybe this isn't as simple as having a really horrible period...it makes me think that...*sighs* Oh God...at least...at least I'll never know for sure...I can delude myself into thinking that it is simply my period, and that's that. My heart may know the truth, but that does not mean that I have to allow the pain and despair to consume my mind...I can lie to myself much more easily than I can allow myself to accept and acknowledge the truth...
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*hugs* I can't speak from experience or anything but...perhaps you feel as though you've lost something because...in a way, your feelings {and perhaps your body} and reliving moments in the past, which causes you to feel empty?
ReplyDeleteI'm here for you, hon *cuddles*