Why is it that, all the sudden, every time I walk into this hospital my anxiety shoots through the roof? What am I so fucking afraid of, being here? I don't understand it...if I was going to be afraid of any part of this place, it would be outside, in that parking lot...although, come to think of it, it does start as soon as I get out of my car...*sighs* Even now, from nearly 1000 miles away, he still holds control over me somehow. It's such bullshit...I just want to be free from this, to not be reminded all the time...and of course, that's not possible...and there's no other place for me to park because all the lots are full...perkele...
I need to relax or I'm going to make a mistake. I can't afford to make a mistake. I already feel like everyone is watching me, just waiting for me to screw up. Fuck, I hate paranoia. I want out...
*hugs* I can't stand how he holds any form of control over you. I'd give anything to rid the world of him and we both know I'm not an insanely violent person. But he is a very special case and it would be more than a pleasure *growls and cuddles*...hopefully coming here for a couple of weeks will be a nice form of escapism. Once we're in Sydney, we'll head for the nearest beach. Maybe that will help a bit *smiles sadly*
ReplyDelete...I hope you're okay, hon *cuddles*