It almost feels like coming home...

...and in some ways, I suppose that's exactly what it is. Settling down, tucking in...slipping into the shadows which have been my comfort for so, so long. It's quite nice here. Cold and dark. Some would call it desolate. I call it comforting. The darkest corners of my mind are the safest ones. The ones where I can be myself, show my true colors. Sometimes it seems like it is only when my heart and soul are both shattered and bleeding around me that I can truly feel whole, at peace. I realize that should frighten me, but it doesn't. I have felt true fear and seen too many horrible things to be afraid of what my own consciousness gives birth to. Or subconscious, for that matter. It's all relative, anyway.

 

All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I feel "normal." And in a way, that does scare me. Because right at this moment, I have fallen further down into the depths of my own heartache and despair than I have been in a long time. And that is when I feel normal. When I feel right. When I feel like I actually understand myself. When the darkness closes in and threatens to suffocate me, I welcome it with open arms. Because it is all that I have ever had. It is me.

 

...I think I am starting to learn the true meaning of being born under a "dark star"...and I know for a fact that my soul, if it holds any color at all, is the purest, deepest black that anyone has ever seen. Perhaps the light touches it in some way...small flecks of starlight...but, like the moon, there is a side of me which, no matter how much the "sun" tries to share its light with me, shall always remain dark. And that side, the dark side...that is where I thrive.