So this is how it ends...

I have nowhere left to turn. No one left I can go to for comfort and support. I found out today, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am nothing more than a burden to those closest to me. I didn't want to believe it, but it was pretty much spelled out for me in black and white. "I'm not there so there's nothing I can do to help." The exact words. If only this person could understand that those words were like a knife right into my heart. And so now, I have a choice...

I can continue to annoy everyone around me, to be a burden to them and, eventually, end up simply pushing them away completely. I can keep going as I am, pouring my heart and soul out to my so-called "friends" and have them come to resent me more and more with every passing second. I can make a very weak attempt and getting "help" from people who clearly do not want to or cannot help me at all, even though I'd like to think they started out with the best of intentions.

Or...I can put on a fake smile and pretend that everything is ok, just like I do with the rest of the world. I can hide my pain behind a cheerful facade and let them think that I am actually alright, when really, I am dying inside. At least I won't be alone, but the real question is-What is the point of having friends who are supposed to be there for you if you have to simply lie to them day after day and hide who you truly are?

There is a third choice, of course. I simply disappear. Erase myself off the face of the planet and, with time, they will forget all about me. Who would want to remember someone who only causes them grief and pain, anyway? I can give them their freedom, and carry my burden on my own without having to pretend.

Decisions, decisions...