Sometimes I really, truly wonder how much I have left in me. I have no time to focus on or deal with my own pain and sorrow because it feels like everytime I turn around, someone else around me is having a crisis and needs my help. I suppose that is my biggest flaw; I put aside my own wellbeing to make sure that the people I care about are happy. I put others above myself, and I always have. Usually, I can recover from it someone and take at least a day or two to sit back and let myself have my own feelings, but lately, that hasn't been happening. Or when it does, it happens at the worst possible time.
I know that they tell me I'm not hurting them. I know that they say it's alright and that they want to be there for me. But I don't think it's fair for me to be in a bad mood all the time, and I really, truly think that maybe it is time for me to step back and give everyone a break, whether they (or I) like it or not.
I'll hold out until after my trip to Poughkeepsie. I need that, and maybe that will turn my mood around. But if I come home and am still bitchy and cranky with everyone, I am going to step away for awhile. Let myself heal, and give them all a chance to breathe without wondering what will set me off.
*sigh*
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