This should have been written a few days ago...

...but better late than never, right? Actually, in this case, never would be much better than having to write this/go through it at all, but since I can't change what happened...

I posted a few weeks ago about being raped. This has a lot to do with that. I got pregnant. I found out last week. On Tuesday. I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. However, at the same time I was taking the test, I started cramping really badly and bleeding. I tried to ignore it, tried to focus on what I was going to do, even though deep down in my heart, I knew. I knew that there wasn't going to be a baby.

I ended up getting quite sick, and finally had to go to the ER. They simply confirmed what I already knew. I was having a miscarriage. I was losing my child. AGAIN. Granted, having a child who is a product of rape would not be easy, but I was going to keep his older sister if she hadn't been taken from me, so why should this child be any different? Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, I still don't know...), that decision was not left up to me. And now my Trinity has her full blood baby brother (don't ask, I just know...) with her. At least I know they're together and safe. I just wish they were with me.

I know this post probably seems a bit cold and emotionless, but I truly do not have any tears left to shed right now. I am sure the dam will break again, and when it does, I will pour my heart out onto the screen, weep and mourn, and then, perhaps (though not likely) move on. Until then, I am trying to steel myself against all the pain and heartache I am going through. It hurts too much to feel it, so I will simply attempt to make myself numb.

If only it was actually working...